Still Waiting

It seems like a decade has passed in the last year. Living alone has been a blessing and a curse. I went to Florida in January and found it lonely, although my good friends and I were able to visit. I walked four miles a day on the beach and never found it boring. My return trip was stressful because I realized I had forgotten my “tech” bag in the hotel. God bless Hilam Patel for returning everything to me intact. ¹ 

I stocked up on groceries and waited two weeks for my tech, then rested a bit from the trip and the worries. By the beginning of March, our leaders were telling us to stay home because of COVID-19. When I had to go get groceries, I would notice everything I touched. I sanitized and washed my hands at every opportunity, although items for sanitizing disappeared from the shelves. Of all things, toilet paper and yeast were scarce, too. I quilted most days and read a lot, walked a couple of miles a day and called loved ones. Without human contact, I struggled to find a reason for living. Overnight, I realized that I could not control when I lived or died, I could only control how I lived, and that would be in service to others. 

Summer came, and we were able to get together on our decks and at some restaurants. We felt in touch with nature again, when the heat didn’t drive us indoors. In the city, riots broke out. In my opinion, the heat and the stress from “Rona” were the triggers, as well as the high cost in lives in minority neighborhoods. 

By fall, people were openly ignoring the mask requirement and the disease spread throughout the suburbs as well as the city. I experienced the illness as a migraine-like headache, nauseau, diarrhea, lack of smell, taste distortions, muscle pains, fatigue, and a foggy brain. The initial symptoms lasted just a few days, but it was a full 7 weeks before I was free of fatigue and muscle pain. To keep busy, I found a renewed interest in genealogy.

A few weeks later, my son experienced symptoms and tested positive. He was ill for about a week, I believe. (Long-distance runner, stair-climber, marathoner) Luckily, his symptoms cleared up and he doesn’t seem to have any long-term damage.

November was another lonely month, and I tried to busy myself with sewing and reading and writing.  Thanksgiving dinner was canceled and I got a cold. Such joy! Just a cold! In a week, it was gone. Good news in the form of a vaccine has come along and now the fighting begins to see who gets it. It looks like the greedy, wealthy countries are once again shoving to the front of the line. Will human nature never change?

December is upon us and the plague rages on worse than ever. We are social animals. So social, we will die rather than miss our loved ones. Once again, I turn to my sewing machine, genealogy, books, and writing. One of the lucky ones.

 ¹Americas Best Value Inn Kimball, TN

Rona

It has been three months since I have blogged and I can't tell you why. It seemed as if everything was the same, day after day, week after week. Yet our knowledge of this virus changed often and it was still the only thing my friends talked about. I wore masks when I had to buy groceries, used sanitizer when I touched things, and stayed home much more than I liked. So how did I get the coronavirus? I don't know. All I know is that I went in for a test to make sure I wasn't positive before I suggested a visit with my daughter. I went on about my business. 

It has begun to get cold here, and restaurants have separated tables by at least six feet. I went out to eat in two indoor restaurants after I had the test because I had what I thought was a migraine and my usual colitis, only to find I had tested positive. 

My test was on Friday, October 9, which is my older brother's birthday. I got the results on Tuesday morning when I called to find out my results. My first reaction was denial. I think it was a good thing that I found out I had the virus after the worst of the symptoms. I called my brother and kids, then proceeded to call everyone that might have gotten it from me. After all, we don't know how long I had it before I tested positive. So far, two neighbors have tested negative, whew! Others could not get tested because the lines are suddenly two hours/days long. 

I am staying home and my friends are overwhelming me with kindness. I keep busy so I don't think about the other effects of COVID 19 that may yet occur. This is the second week, so I am hoping I don't tank, the way some people do. Luckily, last spring I had purchased an oximeter because there were no tests available. So I am keeping track of my temp and my oxygen and hoping all the prayers of friends will carry me through this safely. 

Last spring, I had some symptoms similar to COVID, and imagined what it would mean if I didn't make it. I decided it was time to divest myself of a lot of material assets. I chose to give away books and quilting supplies.  There is still too much "stuff" but now I worry about giving away virus with items. 

So the topic I had chosen for the year was to be "Climate" and this little tiny virus has completely taken over our waking hours. Our country's leaders have allowed over eight million people to get the virus and 217,918 people to die (as of October 17, 2020) through the inept handling of the Republicans. Our economy is in dire straits and Republicans have only given money to large corporations, which has kept some people employed until now. 

Add to that 8 hurricanes, 25 storms, with people being removed to shelters. Don't forget to add those moved to shelters in California because of the record 4.1 million acres being burned up by forest fires.

Some of the symptoms I have had are headache which caused me to lay on the sofa all day, diarrhea, chills, food tasting bad, smell coming and going, fatigue, and brain fog. I've been lucky enough to feel okay, and I hope it continues. 

My favorite method for coping has been to keep busy and not think about what's going on in the world. So much tragedy. There have been many great jokes on social media, but there have been some digital improvements. Lots of classes have been moved online, and we can "see" our friends on Zoom, FaceTime and Facebook. 

As the holidays approach and I don't know what to plan. Planning is overrated.

Progress

It has been 5 months since we became aware of  COVID - 19's ability to spread ubiquitously. A friend and I were comparing our motivation at the beginning and now. At first, we tackled cleaning closets, cleaning our houses, finishing quilting projects that had been hanging around for a while, and generally doing those things we never thought we had time to do. 

I was tense, worried about everything I touched when I went for groceries, including door handles and cardboard boxes. As Kristopher Jansma put it, "What a month ago might have been a careless exercise in routine home maintenance now means confronting my own mortality." (1).

We wore masks from the beginning, because we were in the high-risk group. All of my appointments were canceled as of March 15, because the entire state shut down. I was appalled to learn that our president was withholding supplies from Democratic areas. States were compelled to buy supplies on the international market, competing with the federal government. My daughter had returned to New York with her husband and child in April and it was better, but still a hot spot. My oldest was ensconced in his home, taking care and working from home. My middle child and his family were in a rural area and angry about the stay-at-home, mask orders. They have been home-schooling for years, so that was not adversely affected by the lock-down. 

Fast forward a few months. Most people in our state have adjusted to wearing masks, using sanitizer and washing their hands often. My friend and I have both adjusted our need to clean (nobody's coming to visit) and are enjoying having time alone. Because of our hobbies, we have not been bored. I am grateful for time to clean out clutter, sew whatever and whenever I want, and even order pizza once in a while.

I find myself often in a funk. Foggy. What day is it? Although days seem to be going slower, weeks fly by. Next weekend it will be August. I would be planning a fall trip somewhere. Will I get to go to Macchu Picchu next year? Will I care? No one knows when we will be able to travel again. I like to think, I was going to travel this decade, but God said "No."

It may be that we have to restructure our entire civilization before we can get through the suffering. Certainly, the economy is hurting those who can survive it least. The first big bailout went to giant corporations, including airlines and cruise lines. Unless they can find a way to sanitize their air currents and plumbing, they will go under, the millions given to them wasted. Now the unemployed, who lost their healthcare, are losing their homes.  Will they be able to vote in November? 

So many questions remain unanswered as the first trials of a vaccine begin. Once again, large companies have gotten millions to produce this, before it's even done. How many more will die?

(1)Jansma, Kristopher, "Out of the Ordinary,"

https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/535/out-of-the-ordinary, July 2020.

x

In the Throes

One of my problems this month has been the week of news covering racial discrimination all over the world. I was ready to move on to solutions. I thought I had heard it all and protested it back in the 60s, yet somehow we were again facing that brick wall that is racism. Discrimination against blacks and other minorities seems to be ensconced at all levels of government. Whether it's the President of the United States being rude to a female black reporter or a neighbor who shocks you with "Us whites have to stick together," it feels like there is no solution.

Add to that months spent inside sequestering by an invisible virus that only kills 1.3 % of the people it infects. (1) Unless you are a member of a minority. Then it is 3.12% for blacks and  slightly less for other minorities.

Add to that the forty million people who have lost their jobs. You have to check out the graph on this page (2) to see the shocking results of the virus on employment.

Add, finally, a week of record high temperatures here in the Chicago area, that often accompanies civil unrest. Undoubtedly, that is a result of global warming. (3)

It's like we are having four crises at once.

So, where do I find hope in all of this? As usual, it's the next generation. They are using social media to communicate worldwide. They have chosen peaceful methods. They are standing up for human rights. 

Yes, my generation got Civil Rights laws on the books in the 60s. This generation says, "Enforce them!" I am so proud of my former students who are making the world better.


(1)

COVID-19: Study reports 'staggering' death rate in U.S. among those infected who show symptoms, Science Daily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/05/200518144915.htm, accessed 6/4/20.

(2)

U. S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Labor Force Statistics from the Current Population Survey

 https://data.bls.gov/timeseries/LNS14000000, accessed 6/4/2020.

(3)

Union of Concerned Scientists, Global Warming FAQ, https://www.ucsusa.org/resources/global-warming-faq, accessed 6/4/20.

Pestilence

In honor of National Poetry Month.

Pestilence

First, the news of deaths in China.

Bat meat, they say.

Gatherings here disappear, but not before I wonder

if I will lose any friends.

Pestilence spreads with travelers everywhere.

Countries close borders, though viruses do not respect borders.

Invisible specter, lurking just where we least expect it.

I forget that I am sequestered,

tell a friend to come over, remember we can’t do that.

Fever and congestion cause worry.

I spend my days inside

worrying that today will be my last.

Walk outside every day.

All of this waiting.

The news gets worse.

No symptoms in its stealth phase, then

a mushroom cloud of sick needing hospitals

and morgues.

Scarcities rule the market, our government hoards resources,

doctors and nurses begin to fall.

I notice how many things I touch when I go out.

The news gets worse.

Businesses shutter, workers have no income,

A quiet settles over cities. 

Essential businesses still open 

begin to lose workers.

The news is all-COVID all the time.

Home-made masks are better than nothing.

The news gets worse.

We begin to mourn those whom we have lost.

Musicians, athletes, ordinary people who work in public.

I stare down the existential questions.

Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life?

Answers come in the solitude.

Granddaughters run fevers, send me to my knees.

The news is mixed.

Tweny million people have lost their jobs.

With their jobs, their health care.

The nation has rallied.

We share food, meet in cyberspace.

Drive by shootings are replaced by 

drive by birthday parties.

The news gets better.

A drop-off in new cases in New York City,

people healing from the disease.

A light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope that people will go back to work 

begins to spread.

China lifts its travel ban.

The news gets better.

Other countries are going back to work.

Spring flowers promise a future

with beauty and heavenly scents.

Vaccines begin to appear in labs.

Store shelves fill again.

Government checks arrive in homes.

The news gets better.

Governors coordinate plans

in the absence of federal guidance.

Happy homemade videos counterbalance

network news negativity.

The world breathes a sigh of relief.

It will end.

Unexpected Massive Suffering

Since my last post on February 13, the world climate has changed. A massive pandemic is ravaging our population and we are powerless to stop it. We are doing our best to provide health care for each other, but among the general population, people could not imagine an epidemic. It had been a century since the general population had suffered like this. We should have known from AIDS or ebola or even SARS, but it had to be severe enough to get our attention. Even this month, there are people who are out celebrating their freedom to gather, which hurts our herd immunity. While it is exciting to be a writer during a plague, it is stressful, too. My children are grown and do not need me any more, but they get very angry at any hint that I am not trying to survive.

My thoughts have wandered to the poorest of the poor, the refugees. After leaving a home where their lives were full of poverty or violence, they find themselves unwanted by any country. Living in crowded tent villages, they are now to undergo an illness that kills 3.4% of those who are affected by the “superspreader.” Without clean water, how are they to wash their hands? Without medical care, will their mortality rate be higher?

The character of our country is at stake here. Will we learn from this humbling experience and collaborate with scientists and doctors around the world? Or will we choose the “every man for himself” individualism that pits state against state and country against country? 

Our emotions are ruling the day. Confined to our houses, we vacillate between feeling safe, worrying about our health, worrying about our relatives and friends, and worrying about money. Keeping busy was always a strength of mine, but now even that is not enough. Thankfully, we have technology that allows us to communicate visually as well as in writing. Various people are posting songs, reading sonnets, and offering encouragement online. People are donating food to hospital workers, money for protective gear, and homemade face masks to nursing homes. Let us use this time to search ourselves for the strength of character to weather the illness and the economic chaos it has created. We have never needed each other more.

Our Social Climate

We hear so much today about conspiracies involving evil people, I felt I had to write about my experiences with people who have gone out of their way to be kind to others.

For starters, I live in a multicultural neighborhood with a lot of immigrants from many countries (China, Jordan, Poland, Russia, India.) I also have one family of Muslims living in four of the townhouses in my development and a Jewish neighbor who is one of my best friends. She told me a few  years ago that she had been diagnosed with cancer. She has had it three times, but this was the second time, I believe. One of our Muslim neighbors told her to ask for help if she ever needed it. They said their religion requires them to help others. 

Marcie herself helped me avoid a job loss with her skills in human resources.

When I moved to be near my parents, I had no job and no money. The first gift I remember was a member of my church giving me frozen chicken breasts to help feed my children. 

That Thanksgiving, I received a free basket of food and the person who had created it put a Christmas hand towel on top. That act of thoughtfulness stayed with me all these years (31) and I now collect Christmas decorations for those in our community who live in poverty.

There have been so many others through the years, I will limit this to just a few to illustrate my point. In November, I traveled to Queens, NY to see my daughter. We saw a woman trip and fall on the cobblestone street. My daughter pointed out that a dozen people stopped to help her, and said that people in New York are always helping each other. I have noticed since then that our natural inclination is to help each other. Giving directions to someone who is lost, helping a person with a technology problem, making quilts for charities, pouches for kangaroos injured in fires, providing clothing for immigrants with little or none. It is human to assist others when we can. We do not have less when we give to others. When we share, we all have enough.

I recently drove from St. Petersburg, Florida to my home near Chicago. I made it halfway between Chattanooga and Nashville the first day. It was a small town named Kimball, Tennessee. I woke up at 3:00 AM in a panic attack thinking about dicey situations I had driven through, like high-speed intervals between two trucks with a crazy lane-changer going in and out wherever there was space. I didn’t get back to sleep until 4 or 5, then woke up at 6:15. I decided to try to drive the rest of the way home if possible, no pressure. I did, in fact, make it home by supper time but had forgotten the bag with my technology in the hotel. The hotel owner is sending my computer, and I am so grateful I don’t have to change all my passwords. I couldn’t afford a new computer easily either. So I am grateful for honest people and am sending him a reward, and to the housecleaner. 

I had also lost my debit card that day. When I tried to look at my online banking, there was a problem with my browser. The bank had two people helping me for at least 20 minutes. They were patient and kind and I finally got things working.

I will get preachy here, so forgive me. People are good! The best part of our social interactions was the confirmation of my belief that we are all here to help each other, and that the wisest people know this.

1) Social Climate Research, Bennett, J. B., https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9780470479216.corpsy0885, accessed 1/31/2020.

Let's Talk About Climate

“Climate means the usual condition of the temperature, humidity, atmospheric pressure, wind, rainfall, and other meteorological elements in an area of the Earth's surface for a long time. In simple terms climate is the average condition for about thirty years.” (Google easy definition)
I have chosen climate for the theme of the year because I want to learn more about it and because I think it is time to begin a thorough discussion about the many types of climate that determine our actions.

We are affected by what is going on around us from the time we are born. Since I am a baby-boomer, that is the demographic I identify with the most, but feel free to comment about the climate that has affected you. There are basically two different meanings that refer to climate, the one listed above and also the cultural climate. I’m going to start learning about the first definition and see if I get to the second kind.

 Several years ago I took a class online about climate which was handled by a Canadian university. As with many things, I have no idea where that is (on the Web). It was fascinating and went into global climate patterns. I learned that a certain portion of the polar ice caps melts every year, adding fresh water to our oceans. This water circulates around the planet, warming some parts of our land and cooling others. I had never thought about the fact that ice is fresh water and the oceans are salty. I certainly learned other ideas but that one effect on our climate has stayed with me. What happens when too much fresh water enters our oceans? What happens if the oceans warm and create more precipitation? I would love to take another class because I seem to need deadlines to accomplish learning that takes effort.

 Another word that is often used in conjunction with climate is sustainability. Once again, Google says: the ability to be maintained at a certain rate or level, also, avoidance of the depletion of natural resources in order to maintain an ecological balance. In Europe, several years ago, everyone was going into the field. They will be light years ahead of other countries who have not yet realized there are real opportunities in the field.

 Wikipedia says climate is affected by “temperature, humidity, atmospheric pressure, wind, and precipitation. In a broader sense, climate is the state of the components of the climate system, which includes the ocean and ice on Earth.[1]"

Latitude, terrain and altitude also play large roles, as do bodies of water. Although New York City and Chicago are on similar latitudes, the ocean gives New York milder winters, a fact I learned in person when my daughter moved there.

 There are systems of classification of climate, fields of study, such as paleoclimatology, and climate models to simulate what is happening globally. There is a scary chart on the Wikipedia page that shows a steady rise in world temperature over 140 years. Finally, there is a list of 15 related topics and 57 footnotes if you want more information. I will be spending time on the wiki page for the next few weeks. If you are interesting in learning more about the climates all over the world, please follow along this year.

 1) Google, https://www.google.com/, accessed 1/9/20
 2) Planton, Serge (France; editor) (2013). "Annex III. Glossary: IPCC – Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change" (PDF). IPCC Fifth Assessment Report. p. 1450. Archived from the original (PDF) on 2016-05-24. Retrieved 25 July 2016. This is a direct copy of the Wikipedia footnote. I hope it’s not plagiarism to use it.